Newly born, bright-eyed, present. Light, pure, weightless. There’s not much holding us down. We’re held and loved with great tenderness by whoever calls us family.
What if we can leave the world in a similar way?
With years of living, we gain roles, responsibilities, and possessions. Beautiful relationships and badges of honor define us and give us meaning. This meaning has carried us for so many years. When the idea of death shows up, the floor escapes our feet. Our meaning and its accompanying weight comes into question.
It’s during this time that I offer space. A space for safety. A space to share your stories. A space for preparation and practical planning so that when the time comes, any burdens on you and your loved ones are lifted. A space to focus on what is most important with the time you have. A space to create lightness.
It may seem useless to plan for our deaths when there are so many unknowns.
Whether death comes abruptly or slowly, there are practical and emotional decisions that we rarely anticipate. When we raise these decisions into our conscious consideration, we can give them the time, space, and voice they deserve.
The result is that we relieve the burden on ourselves and our loved ones. Whenever the time comes, we can rest assure our choices are honored and turn our attention to making the time meaningful and peaceful.
What if I’m not ready to talk about my death?
I get it. Death can feel scary. Sometimes it helps to have someone to come in who is familiar with death and comfortable talking it through. Talking about death doesn’t have to be threatening. We can take things at your pace and begin the conversation in a way that feels natural to you.
My family is emotional/messy...
It can help to have someone come in and bring some space. Someone that’s not immediately close but can enter the situation seamlessly. I’ve worked with families of all kinds. In every case, I focus on bringing ease and understanding to this complex but natural transition in a way that speaks to family members of all ages, shapes, beliefs, and backgrounds.
I’ll be Dead. Does this really matter?
Each decision that you manage to express matters in two ways. First, you can be confident that your wishes are known and understood. Second, it eases the burden off your family members. They often feel unsure and don’t want to make decisions in your stead. Even the sentiment of “I don’t care what you do with my stuff” regarding the disposition of your possessions can offer so much permission and peace to family members who are grieving and at a loss of how to manage your things. Having clear, considered decisions available to your family ensures that everyone is cared for before, during, and after death.
How does this work?
First, we’ll meet and talk. Here are some of the things we might discuss.
Important decisions around your care and quality of life.
Crafting and communicating your decisions. Speaking with family to ensure they’re honored.
What loose ends might you want to address?
How do you want to spend this time?
What do safety, lightness, and peace look like for you?
We asked Erika Lim to be an end-of-life doula for our mother, who was transitioning from a nursing home to our home to die. A meditation teacher referred us to Erika, saying, “I wish I had more qualities like Erika.”
Erika immediately made mom comfortable and joined our family as a welcomed new member. She took the time to connect with everyone in our household and family members who came to stay. With everyone, she brought her curiosity, questions, and listening skills to the table. She showed a highly generous level of empathy as she engaged each member about their feelings regarding our mother’s transition… read on >
Jonathan & Carolyn
Ready to start?
Step 1. Schedule a complimentary, no-obligation discovery meeting. You can do that righthere.
Step 2. At the scheduled time of your discovery meeting, we’ll discover! I’ll ask lots of questions to get to know a bit about you and what you’d like to get out of working with me. We’ll use the opportunity to make sure we’re the perfect fit.
Step 3. Then we’ll get started! If you decide to work with me, I’ll tell you the exact steps for moving forward. If you decide not to work with me or if we aren’t a perfect fit, I’m happy to share other resources to help you get what you need.
The time of someones passing is often full of uncertainty and worry. Family members are not sure they’re respecting your wishes. You want to be heard but feel like a burden, and everyone finds it hard to face what’s happening.
These common difficulties cloud the presence, love, and peace available in this poignant time. That’s why I became an end-of-life doula – to help you and your family make the most of your final days.
When I work with you and your family, I help you communicate your wishes to your family so that they can easily make decisions. Once that’s done, the space and time are free to make the time meaningful – bequeath items, give last words and blessings, share your wisdom, and play with your tribe.